The Blue Master of the Universe

"Follow the stream to find what you need," says the Blue Master of the Universe.
"You must live humbly and not feel pride for your accomplishments."
"By inactivity, you will achieve all you can."
"You must go back to nature, and stay there."

The Twilight Bunny

The Twilight Bunny is immortal and has fallen in love with you.
Unfortunately, to love him back means losing your eternal soul.
You don't really want to do that, girl, do you?
Even though he is one handsome hunk.

Pudding Head

Pudding Head is a stubborn and lazy monster.
During his long life, he has always refused to work.
He is convinced society owes him quite a few free lunch.
"The government should pay!" he proclaims, as he stands in line at the soup kitchen.
If you ask him who should pay if every one had a free lunch, he will snugly reply, "The rich should pay!"
Thereby, Pudding Head believes, winning the argument.

Rock Hard Bun Bun

The Rock Hard Bun Bun is a school bully.
None of the other little kids even have a chance against him.
Every day, the tiny ones go home all black and blue after school, crying...
And at night when they sleep...
They have nightmares about carrots.

The Haida Raven

The Haida Raven is a mythological monster invented by Bill Reid.
Its likeness has been mass-produced in China and sold in Canadian souvenir shops for many years.
One day the real Raven will wake and return to the land of the living to revenge himself on those bus loads of Asian tourists invading Quebec City's Old Fort...
By raising souvenir prices!

House of Wax Harry

House of Wax Harry used to be a mannequin that resembled Prince Harry in Madame Tussaud's museum.
Until the day one of Harry's jilted girlfriends decided to practice a little black magic and bring the mannequin to life with a ritual that involves a lot of burning candles...
Now, House of Wax Harry is headed for Buckingham Castle to take Harry's place!
Thus perhaps making the world a better place.

Myron

Myron is a startling Golem made of inanimate matter.
This monster was created by the rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel from clay,
because the rabbi was upset that he couldn't delete his Facebook account properly.
Seek out those servers and destroy them, golem, it is a holy war!

Zombie Master

The drums are beating on the island of Haiti...
The Zombie Master is looking for new zombies to put under his spell!
If you're just sitting around and not doing much, please consider joining.
The pay is not great, but it's a steady job.

Screaming Owl

Screaming Owl yelled out, "Timber!"
And the 100-foot high tree crashed to the ground inches away from my foot.
Screaming Owl yelled out, "Duck!"
I dived down and the hunter's shot whistled by just above my head.
"Thanks," I said to the owl. "You got a good voice there."

Soupy

Soupy likes to go out and have a few laughs.
He likes to visit all his favorite establishments and enjoy one on the house.
He has friends everywhere and they are all happy to see him.
And when he's done, he heads home late at night.
And goes to sleep thinking...
"My, what a wonderful day that was!"

Max Returns

One night, as German Expressionist film director F. W. Murnau was shooting his masterpiece "Nosferatu" in a secluded location, his mysterious star Max Schreck disappeared in a misty forest.
For hours Murnau waited for his star to return.
Finally, close to dawn, a stage hand heard someone down the road yelling the lyrics to "Disco Inferno".
And so they found Max Schreck, still wearing glittery clothes and with a party hat, lying in a ditch.
Covered with blood.

Tastebuds

Tastebuds is the monster spokesperson for a major brand of breakfast cereals.
"It's the flavor you'll keep enjoying!" says Tastebuds in one of their television advertisements.
"Trust me..."
"You'll like them so much you'll eat the empty cereal box afterwards too!"

Sous-chef

Sous-chef will chop your veggies.
She will jab and thrust.
Reducing all to a messy mush.
And you're going to love it.

Jim

Jim is an alien who is a bit of a fashion plate.
In fact, he designs his own hats.
All the ladies are crazy about his hats and want to buy his creations.
But he never sells any, he only wants to wear them himself.

Space Moose

Space Moose is not like an Earth moose.
It doesn't live in a forest near a lake.
It doesn't eat vegetables.
In fact, the resemblance to a real moose is fairly superficial.

Mud Being

Mud Being stumbled out of his cave and began gesturing frantically and hissing at us.
"Your kind is doomed!" it screamed.
We were overwhelmed, let me tell you.
And we'll never forget that smell.

The Bird is Done

"The Bird is Done," said the scientist.
"We'll put him in the zoo and no one will notice a thing."
"It will sit in its cage, and carefully listen to the conversations of passerbys."
"No one will notice a thing!"

The Minotaur

The Minotaur sat in the middle of the maze, waiting for his next human victim.
By now there were fewer warriors willing to tackle the monster.
So the Minotaur had plenty of free time.
Only problem was, the Minotaur couldn't decide between a new 35 inch plasma or LCD.
(pencils by Bertrand, inked by Benjamin)

Trogo

Trogo is a galactic dictator intent on conquering every widening territories.
He has just sentenced his head astronomer to death because of the bad news he brought.
It seems the Universe is expanding.
Trogo will never be able to conquer it all.

Scythe and Hammer

Scythe and Hammer is a communist monster from the former Soviet Union.
"Comrades," it says, beginning one of his marathon five hour speeches. "I have grave news! The capitalists are lying about a global warming!"
"We are entering instead into a new ice age!"
"This is why the American corporations are investing their billions in oil rather than bikinis!"

The Pollen Slurper

The Pollen Slurper regularly visits the botanical gardens.
He likes to take the time to smell each flower.
"Oooh, I like this one the best!" he keeps saying...
While he noisily licks the flower's nectar.

Selfmonster

Selfmonster doesn't want to get any more Christmas presents.
It's very likely that Selfmonster cannot get what it wants.
Guest artist: Judit Szeles
Mixed media on paper.

The Surgeon

The Surgeon is a monster that will remove whatever organ you would like to get rid of.
Tonsils? A vasectomy? No problem!
It's all gone before you have time to feel a thing.
Twenty bucks a pop is all it costs, plus the price of a few bandages.
And there are even lower prices for removing colon cancers!

The Phantoms

The Phantoms slowly appeared in a haze of colored mist.
No one had expected a visit from specters in the middle of the afternoon at work, needless to say.
I was eating a ham sandwich at that moment.
It was pretty tasty, I guess.
Guest artist: Pierre Otis

Theo the Monster

"Unlock the mysteries of your mind," says Theo the Monster.
"And there you shall find the answers that will set you free."
"You will realize the authorities are lying to you."
"Their mistake was actually much worse than they said..."

The Party Monster

It's time to go out and have some fun, says the Party Monster.
We're headed for the disco where we will shake our booty all night long!
Then when the disco closes we'll go to an all-night restaurant and continue to have some fun!
We'll dance on the tables with the waitresses and do a strip tease!
Woo hoo! Move it, move it!
Then, later, we'll report to work first thing in the morning.

Big Blue Bird

Big Blue Bird is really the son of Alister Crowley.
If you check his date of birth, you will notice his Mom was in Paris at the same time as Alister in 1926.
So it is plausible.
However, since I checked...
The dates I am referring to have, of course, been deleted from Wikipedia.

Queen of the Dinosaurs

The Queen of the Dinosaurs always leads the parade.
She likes to wave to her loyal subjects with her tail.
Hello, peons! Hello, little people!
The Queen of the Dinosaurs loves all the serfs who have made her rich.

Willy

Willy walked for miles and miles inside the shopping mall looking for a X-Mas gift for his lovely bride Alexia.
Everything was on sale, but Willy hates to shop.
It makes his feet hurt.
Finally Willy bought Alexia a very beautiful and expensive present...
When all she wanted from him was one of his beautiful smiles!

The Ghost of the Bun Bun

The Bun Bun was a sad animal before his untimely demise.
Finally, nostalgia and depression got the better of him and he decided to end it all.
Later, after the dire deed was done, he found himself a ghost.
But he was still tormented by sadness, which itself made him grieve even more, because now there was truly no escape.

Feral Teddy Bear

Feral Teddy Bear is one mean orso.
All his life he's been grabbed, groped and hugged non stop by little kids.
Now he won't take it any more, so back off!
He has no more affection to give, OK?