Tulpa

Tulpa and his assistant Chang are in charge of leading your soul to its proper place in the afterlife.
They got the job from this creepy burnt out Skeleton Dude with a scythe.
The Skeleton Guy was depressive and had taken to drinking.
He was often late on the job and had become unreliable.
Finally, management upstairs got fed up.
When the Skeleton Guy was sacked, Tulpa got his row boat and everything.

The Telepathic Preacher

The Telepathic Preacher is very efficient at confession time.
You can't get away with a thing.
You'll walk in thinking maybe all you will confess about was that rowdy office X-Mas party.
But you'll walk out after admitting every little thing ever!
Boy, talk about Hail Marys...
I still have 13,456 left to recite!

Sphynx

The living Sphynx floated in the strange ether of the nether world, watching the pyramids being built by the ancient Egyptians in his mirror between worlds.
"I don't understand why you are interested in these ants," declared Anubis.
"I find them fascinating," replied the Sphynx. "One day I might even go there for a day trip."
Little did he know of the petrification effect.

Pumpkin Face

Pumpkin Face is a monster who rides a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
He has snake tattoos and a dangerous looking leer.
He is rarely shaved and he belches often.
I know him well, because he is in my prayer circle on Sunday afternoons.
He's actually quite nice.

Lucius

Lucius is a monster who feels unloved and unwanted.
Once, he had a special someone.
But she changed, and he changed, and they slowly grew apart.
Now she is gone.
Still, she lingers in his heart...

Spinning Top Head

As it rolled down the stairs of Freedom...
And bounced into Freedom hall...
And was ushered in to talk to the Freedom Council...
It occurred to the Spinning Top Head it was time his kind became a little more creative at least in finding new names.

Rasta Zombie

I be Rasta Zombie, man.
A raft full of zombies from Haiti landed in Jamaica and now I be dead.
Jah no with me no more but I still rocksteady to reggae, man.
Peace to yo!
And brains.

Zeta

"The solution is simple," said Zeta the supreme master of planet Galax-orr.
"Body checking from behind and high sticking must be banned from hockey!"
"There are simply too many concussions and head injuries among the players!"
All his loyal subjects quickly agreed, even though they had no idea what he was talking about.

Chameleon Boy

Chameleon Boy was a monster who was a daring bank robber.
His many disguises eluded law enforcement for many years.
The police thought for a while that they were chasing an extensive rogue's gallery.
But Chameleon Boy always worked alone on a heist.

In the dream of the monster

In the dream of the monster, he was trapped in the body of another monster in another dimension and he could not speak.
Someone offered him yet another over sized glass full of Hungarian sparkling white wine and a plate full of crackers topped with smoked salmon and cream cheese.
When the monster woke up, the party had died down and the last intoxicated guests were stumbling out into waiting taxis, singing television cartoon themes.
The living room was in shambles and the large screen television was broken.
There were empty bottles everywhere.
The monster held his throbbing head in both hands.
He wondered where his strange dream might have come from.

Metamorphosis of Slobo

The crust around Slobo slowly dried out and he began to stir inside.
Slobo woke up.
He realized he had changed.
And that it was time to leave his cocoon.

I'm not sure, but I think the new kid at school is possessed

I'm not sure, but I think the new kid at school is possessed.
He has bad skin...
His head spins 'round and 'round...
He recites political speeches by Sarah Palin...

The Jerk Monster

The Jerk Monster consists mostly of a puff of smoke.
If you breathe him in, you don't die.
You only get a bad headache.
Just open the window to let some fresh air in and he will soon be gone.

Kate Astrof

Unknowingly to the world, the brilliant but slightly tormented artist for monsteraday.com, Robert, was a bachelor.
In the past, he had had girlfriends, but they had always been of the same pattern.
Which was temperamental, high strung and with frequent emotional meltdowns.
One had an explosive temper.
One of them flung dish plates at Robert's head.
They were all a bit scary in their own way
Despite strong evidence to the contrary, his family sided with Robert and decided it wasn't his fault at all.
Robert's older brother advised him that if this pattern remained unchanged, his next girlfriend might stab him to death.
So Robert sort of decided he was going to stay single for a while.
Then he met Kate Astrof...

Humant

It is a little known fact that the 0 calorie artificial sweetener aspartame kills ants very effectively.
This is the same product you can find in most "no calorie" soda drinks.
Humant did not know about this.
And of course there was no one left after he had wiped out mankind to remind him not to drink that stuff even though it tasted great.
How ironic!

The Human Cricket Chimera

The Human Cricket Chimera was an over-the-top David Bowie fan.
In the 1980s, this monster camped out for five days at Wembley Stadium to buy concert tickets for every show.
When Bowie decided to move away from his "Let's Dance" period, the Human Cricket Chimera decided to remain unconditionally loyal to his idol.
Then, Bowie agreed to star in the movie "Labyrinth" and that changed everything.

The Hippy Ghost

Brent Mydland was the fourth keyboardist to play for the American rock band the Grateful Dead.
He was with the band for eleven years, longer than any other keyboardist.
After his untimely death, he played some great gigs for a while with Jerry and Jimi and Jim.
Then he decided it was time to go solo.

Henchman Clone

It's hard to say who is responsible for the Henchman Clone monster.
The doctors who invented the genetic recipes in their laboratories?
The multinational corporations who marketed the Henchman Clone as an educational baby toy?
Or the political lobbyists who paid for lavish cocktail parties in honor of the ruling party in power, to convince them that the sweeping contagion was actually a good thing?

Green Man

Green Man is Angry about growing older and not having achieved his potential.
No one leaves comments on his blogs.
No one calls.
No one seems to care, really.
They're all too busy downloading crapola.
Green Man slams a fist on his desk.
There is only one thing to do.
Carry on and do another blog post.

Debrained

The Debrained monster was created through childhood television addiction...
Radiating cell phone abuse...
Mind controlling substances added to the food and water...
Not to mention the lack of fresh air and exercice.

Aquarius

Aquarius is a mutant who swims in the Gulf of Mexico.
He breathes in tar balls and exhales water.
This makes him a valuable resource to oil companies who have accidentally spilled oil through gross negligence and uncontrolled cost-cutting.
Unfortunately, there is only one Aquarius and a lot of oil companies.

The Angry Cat King

"Death to the peons!" hissed the angry Cat King.
"They have become a nuisance."
"But the humans also serve a purpose, revered one!" pleaded the High Cat Priest. "For they milk the cows with which we are fed!"
And so, as the High Cat Priest was led away to be executed at the order of the king, he could not help but think a serious management mistake had just been made.

Ancient One

The face of the Ancient One was discovered on a papyrus scroll.
This was the monster who enslaved mankind thousands of years ago and built a powerful and far-reaching kingdom.
He attacked cities with his well-funded armies and one by one they fell.
Sort of like Walmart.

The Wise Dog Man

The Wise Dog Man was a monster who was a famous psychoanalysts.
He could accurately interpret any strange dream a patient of his might have had...
A large key running away, yelling: "It's a secret! It's a secret!"
Finding a clump of hair in a coffee cup.
Being naked in a voting booth with only liberal candidates on the ballot list.

Yeti

Somewhere on the high slopes of the Himalaya mountains, a monster was trodding through the thick snow.
His kind has dwindled to one and now extinction was looming.
He looked up, and a desert of cold met his eyes.
Suddenly, above him there was the rumble of an avalanche...

Ghost Pilot

Ghost Pilot's job was delivering the mail between the planets in his solar system.
Then one day the Union called a strike, and it dragged on.
All the letters just kept accumulating in a big pile.
"There's no more space left where we can pile it up," said a Union boss.
"Let's just dump it into the sun!"

Geneticist's Hobby

On the planet Glomm lived a geneticist who lived on the edge.
This scientist had no fear.
If his instruments indicated they were about to blow up, he just added more amino acids into the vat.
Thus, a monster was born

Frolicking Imp

Frolicking Imp danced around the fair damsel, singing happily about his deep love for her.
Unexpectedly, she frowned.
"I am very sorry, Imp, but my heart belongs to Sir James The Golden," she said.
Then she kicked the imp and he died.

Friendly Devil

Suddenly, eyes seemed to move on the cavern wall.
As he moved the torch closer, he realized there was a face etched in the stone.
It was hideous, and it was alive.
"Welcome!" it said in a sinister voice.

Envy

Envy wanted to know more about his neighbor Mr.Jones so he could hate him all the more.
Jones had way too much, thought Envy.
Not like him, he never had enough.
And Mrs.Jones was such a cute redhead...

Teddy the Third Class Demon

Teddy hated to be called a greenhorn by all the other demons.
He couldn't wait to be all purple and crimson and fiery.
Meantime he had to do all the chores, stoke the fires, and wait patiently for a spot to open up so he could get ahead.
Unfortunately, none of the higher ups ever seemed to die down here in Hades.

Bug

When Bug invaded the house, looking to bite flesh and to suck blood, no one thought it was a big deal.
A quick hit with a fly swatter would do the trick, they thought.
But Bug was extraterrestrial, and he soon grew exponentially bigger.
And hungrier...

Bad Thought

Bad Thought had always been a pessimist.
He always had a lot of dark ideas floating around his head.
Then one day he was hit in the face by a pepperoni pizza.
In all his musings, Dark Thought had never contemplated such a dire circumstance.
On the other hand, it sure tasted good.

Baby Thunderbird

When he was born, Baby Thunderbird was fed pre-digested morsels by his Mom until he could fend for himself.
When he grew big enough, he ate his Mom.
She really didn't see it coming, either.
It's like that in some households.

All you need is the Love Monster

Are you truly happy with your life?
Or do you feel you have become just another mindless consumer of electronic goods?
Hooked on the cell phone and the iPod, desperate to receive an email but never sending any?
All you need is the Love Monster.

Druidorr

Druidorr thinks his are the sexiest tentacles in Alpha Centauri.
They are smooth and silky.
And they are agreeable wavey in anti-gravity zones.
Maybe he should dye them blonde?

Bertrand

Bertrand always feels a bit dopey.
And a bit shy and intimidated.
He wonders why he wasn't born knowing everything like other people.
Boy, how they lord it over him!

The Waiter at the Vampire Club

The Waiter at the Vampire Club wants a tip.
Quit checking your wallet.
Don't look in the pockets of your overcoat.
Small change won't do.

Bastet

The ancient Egyptians worshiped many strange deities, known collectively as the "Pantheon".
Among them was Bastet, protector of the pharaoh.
She was a solar goddess, depicted sometimes as a lioness, or a house cat.
Other times she would be depicted as a cat-bodied hot mama.

The Black Magician

The Black Magician was never good with explosives.
Once he tried putting some gun powder on his fingertips so that when he snapped his fingers, there would be a momentary burst of light and a puff of smoke, allowing him to mysteriously disappear at the end of his act.
Naturally, he miscalculated the amount of powder required.
Ultimately, the workers compensation board refused to accept his application for a work-related mishap, citing gross negligence, the damage that had been done to his employer's premises, as well as the few fatalities in the audience.

Under the Blanket

Under the Blanket might be a purse filled with gold.
Or a malediction that might steal your soul.
Or a magical genie that might make you all your wishes come true.
Or a stinky monster that hasn't bathed in a month.

Going Back to the Sea

It was a really swell party.
It was a really nice summer day and a lot of good wine flowed.
It started with someone horsing around with a pretty girl, and eventually someone got thrown in the swimming pool.
It was a really big swimming pool.
Then a lot of people started jumping into that pool.
With their party dresses on and all.
Meanwhile, one of the guests slinked away and went back to the sea.

The Hound of Hell

It's been a while since we discussed pointy teeth at monsteraday.com...
Even though we are, in fact, the world renowned experts on the subject.
You could say, "Pointy Teeth'R'Us".
Therefore, we are proud to present a new monster to you today, the Hound of Hell.
He is a case in point.

The zombie who lost his car keys

The zombie who lost his car keys was not very proud of himself.
Now he was locked out of his car.
And he was going to have to stumble all the way home, ten kilometers away.
"Brains!" he exclaimed. "I need more brains!"

Green Bird

Green Bird, the last of his kind, was hidden up above in the dense foliage of the jungle.
He watched the weary explorers below hack their way through the dense underbrush with machetes.
Slowly the scientific expedition bore on in the stifling humidity, in the quest to find new species of fauna.
Unfortunately, they were all too busy talking on their cell phones so they never spotted Green Bird.

Broccoli Monster

This monster wants all the little kids to eat broccoli, and at every meal.
Broccoli cereal for breakfast.
Crunchy broccoli and ranch dip for lunch.
Broccoli soup for supper.
Broccoli is good for you, insists the Broccoli Monster.
You parents must eat some as well, show the good example to the wee ones.
Swallow it! More! Swallow it I say!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Animal Guy

Animal Guy was a wise and ancient monster who believed in reincarnation.
In fact, occasionally when he slept he would remember a past life in a dream.
Once he had been a cricket, which had been swallowed by a toad.
Obce he had been an inert rock, rolling down a hill and splashing the pond, chasing away the toads.
Once he had been a sexy slave girl too, who was eventually stoned to death in public for chewing gum at the King's funeral.
And so on, and so forth.

The Playful Ex-President

"Ha, ha, ha, kids! Come sit on my lap and I will tell you wonderful stories of democracy," said the Playful Ex-President who had just risen from the grave.
"In my time we had a carrot and a stick, and occasionally some mortar fire and bayonets to convince other folks about the free and equal practice of political self-determination."
The Ex-President paused a moment to take a bite of flesh from the arm of a screaming little one.
"Yum, yum! Freedom flesh!"

Zombinsky

Zombinsky heatedly promotes a non-hierarchical, non-bureaucratic, stateless society without private property in the means of production.
Once private property is abolished, individuals are no longer deprived of access to means of production so they can freely associate themselves (without social constraint) to produce and reproduce their own conditions of existence and fulfill their needs and desires.
This would bring about an end to class society, i.e. there would be no more owners neither proletarians.
No more keeping up with the Joneses.

Dark Bunny

Dark Bunny hates chocolate.
He doesn't like eggs either, bleaah!
He is repelled by colorful things, like Easter eggs.
Dark Bunny likes really fast heavy metal bands, wearing black T-shirts and a baseball cap worn the wrong way.
It takes all kinds.