Shifty the Gnome

Shifty the Gnome hs a hidden pot of gold.
But he doesn't want to spent it.
In fact he hasn't spent a dime of it for the past decade.
He is saving his money.
It makes him happy to think about it.

Crook

Crook is a monster that is always scheming.
It's a lot of hard work being bad.
In fact it's so much work with so little payback...
Crook would make more money serving fries at a hot dog stand.

Humant

Humant is king of the ants and he has decided to attack your bungalow!
In the little ones seep into the cracks between the bricks.
Soon they will be exploring the insides of your running shoes in the closet...
And then, the kitchen will be next!

Just Creepy

Just Creepy is a monster who works in a hip used CD shop.
He gets in to work late, never before noon.
When a cute girl wants to buy a CD...
He doesn't punch it in right away.
He holds on to it and asks her impertinent and personal questions...

Igor

Igor has decided to go into business for himself.
No more night shifts lugging human body parts without a motorized vehicle.
No more playing with high voltage electricity without proper worker safety.
No more dangerous projects creating monsters without a union pay scale.

Claude

Claude is a small French monster who gets very upset when English-speaking
persons mis-pronounce his name.
"Claude" rhymes with the English word "Ode".
It does not rhyme with "fraud".
Not if only those silly American clods would understand!

Slithery

Slithery is a monster who specializes in municipal plumbing.
Maintaining street sewers, water fountains and aqueducts is his game.
And after a hard day's work, he likes to go home and relax...
By wading in his pool.

Kissey Kissey

Won't you pucker up for good old Kissey Kissey?
He just loves to get a smooch on the lips.
Unfortunately, few ladies enjoy kissing this monster...
He drools too much!

The Ghost of Doom

The Ghost of Doom inspires people to do bad things while they are sleeping.
It channels evil thoughts into people as they slumber.
Why, just last night it was in the Finance Minister's bedroom, whispering to him...
"Raise taxes! You... must... raise... taxes!"

In the Dark

In the dark there is a monster creeping.
Edging closer to my bed.
I can sense him close.
I don't want to open my eyes...

Sugaree

Sugaree is a monster who is a star member of the Women's Olympic Handball team.
She has a real talent from preventing the ball from reaching the ground.
And at the net she is a fierce blocker.
Sometimes the other teams complain that she has an unfair advantage.
But it's not Sugaree's fault if she is three inches taller than the other girls!

Baron Evil

Baron Evil went on vacation in India for a while and he is now a happy member of the thuggee cult of Kali.
The members of this cult are vampires who like to slowly strangle their human victims in order to draw out cups of crimson from their veins.
All in the name of their beloved goddess of pain and death.
Now back in Europe, the Baron has brought along some of his new friends and together they roam the night looking for healthy-looking women.
Not for the sake of friendship, mind you.
But for blood!

Milton

Milton is a very self-conscious monster with a problem.
He has a shameful secret.
He has an underarm spikes problem.
Why, just last week he impaled his cosmetician accidentally.

Brother Monsters

We are two brother monsters from far away.
We think differently and have an odd sense of humor.
There is no one else like us.
Once we leave, it will get a lot more boring around here.

Lady Wind

Lady Wind has issues with her digestion.
It's quite monstrous.
She has the ability to disperse any social gathering.
Among other things.

Snake Eyes

Snake Eyes is a dandy, a dedicated follower of fashion.
With an orchid in his lapel and a sneer on his lips...
He disdains the mundane and gleefully pokes fun at the working class.
Why people still invite him to parties is an open question.

Illustrator

Illustrator can see in you future and draw it in a picture.
Only Illustrator prefers to draw painful and tragic events.
When you break a leg on the ski hill...
When you decide to end it all...
When you accidentally set fire to your Three Stooges DVD collection.

Evil Spirit

Evil Spirit will take over your body.
He will control your muscles, while you are helpless to stop him.
You will know everything that is going on.
But nothing will end it.

Red Beard

Red Beard is a monster hiding behind your bathroom mirror.
You only see him in your dreams.
"Step through the looking glass, I am your friend," he tells you in your dream.
Don't believe him!

Featherific

Featherific is a monster who is in admiration of his own feathers.
He thinks they are the most wondrous feathers in the world.
And that he deserves them.
Of course.

Stilts

Stilts is a sinister monster who likes to creep up on you.
He tippy-toes right up while you have your back turned.
His breath on your neck.
"What choo doin'?" he then asks.

The Dragon of Doom

The Dragon of Doom set fire to the castle.
It also roasted the musketeers and the knights.
The peasants as well, and the countrymen too.
The Queen was fried.
The King was toasted.
And the royal poodle was shish kebabed.

R is for Revenge

R is for the Rhesus monkey who has suffered long years in the experimental lab.
R is for Radiation Sickness, which the monkey has had.
R is for Rational, as the monkey's mutated brain begins to think and plot...
R is for Recombinant DNA, modified in the monkey accidentally, thus giving him super powers.
R is for Revolt as the monkey breaks out of captivity, no more shots or electrodes for him!
R is for Revenge, as the monkey corners all of the laboratory staff in a windowless meeting room...

Captain Cyclone

Captain Cyclone is an evil monster bent on destroying Marshmallow Manor.
He summons a blistering whirlwhind from his mind and attacks!
The Marshmallow Manor is literally torn asunder, with great gobs of goo propelled every which way imaginable.
A sticky situation, indeed!

Mother In Law

Dear Mother In Law, it is so nice to see you again.
It's so pleasant to all be together again under the same roof.
Thank you for keeping the cactus chair just for me.
As you know, I have gotten quite accustomed to it.

The Monster Who Has Higher Standards

The Monster Who Has Higher Standards has strange personal preferences.
He likes to listen to Mozart.
He enjoys watching old movies with W.C. Fields or the Marx Brothers.
He avoids television.
He hates rap, hip hop and top 40 radio.
Silent movies and Chinese operas fascinate him.
Thankfully, there are two other people that share his exact tastes elsewhere in the world.
Both in retirement homes on respirators.

Sinister Sam

Sinister Sam is a colleague at work who cannot be trusted.
He is not married and has no girlfriend.
His clothes are tattered and torn.
He never goes on vacations.
He lives in a one room basement apartment.
What does he do with all his money?

Prison for monsters

There has been a jailbreak at the prison for monsters!
One of the fearsome grotesques has escaped!
He's on the lam!
But not for long...

The Flamenco Vampire

Rat tat tat goes the Flamenco Vampire on the dance platform.
While the lone guitarist accompanist seems to play the same riff over and
over again.
Sometimes the Flamenco Vampire will play with castanets.
Sometimes she will bite you in the neck.
And on nights with the full moon...
She will break your heart.

The Gun Toting Zombie

The Gun Toting Zombie has been shot in the head many times.
But only with small caliber bullets.
So he keeps shooting back.
Another day, another dollar in the middle east.

Fat and Cruel

Fat and Cruel does not understand the way you live your life.
So he wants to see you fail.
He can't wait for you to fall on your face.
A setback for you is a happy day for Fat and Cruel.