Bottle Cap Opener

Bottle Cap Opener is a great monster to have around when you have a party.
Those imported beer bottles rarely have twist-off caps.
That's when Can Opener steps in to open a guest's bottle...
... with his teeth.

The Blue Algae Monster

The Blue Algae Monster hides underneath sailboats.
It is taken along for the ride from lake to lake.
This monster poisons the water bodies it swims in.
You're a stinker, Blue Algae Monster!

Monster with the Gravitation Glove

The Gravitation Glove is a powerful weapon built by the Elders of Dimension 9.
It was stolen by an evil mercenary who brought here to Earth.
When it is turned on, it creates an artificial black hole which will keep growing and swallow up everything in sight.
Sort of like my rich fat cousin Herv at the local McDonald's.

Ticklish

Ticklish refuses to let anyone close to him.
He is SO TICKLISH...
That if you breathe on him, he will burst out laughing hysterically...
Yelling at the top of his lungs, "Stop! Stop! Please stop!"

The Hippie Hippie Shaking

The Hippie Hippie Shaking is a monster from another time and place.
And depending on his former bad habits, from another dimension as well.
He asks everyone to make love, not war.
It's hard to take him seriously.

Triangle Nose

Triangle Nose has a loose baby tooth that is about to fall out.
The dentist took a look at it and declared everything was OK, the new tooth was growing underneath just fine.
The old tooth was still hanging on but not for long.
It's still in Triangle Nose's mouth, but it's all crooked.
It gives chills to anyone who sees it.
Triangle Nose, better pull on that tooth when no one is looking!

Dynamo

Dynamo is a monster that cranks himself up until he gets very angry.
Then anything little thing can set him off...
Like the bus coming late.
Or a bill arriving in the mail.
Or a neighbor having a loud party.
It's time to try some breathing exercises and do a little physical exercise, Dynamo, so you can chill!

Simenone

Simenone is a homicide detective in his own space time continuum.
He has solved many grisly cases and jailed many perpetrators.
But the years of hard work and bad habits have not been kind to Simenone.
Lately he gets up in the morning and realizes...
his body has lost a lot of elasticity.

Fire Boy

Fire Boy gets angry sometimes.
Very angry.
He has trouble controlling his emotions.
When he gets too upset...
His fire burns out.

The New Guy

The New Guy At Work says he really loves sushi.
He knows all the good sushi restaurants.
Next Friday noon, he is taking the team to an awesome all-you-can-eat fried squid place that is just divine.
I know I'm going.

Wormette

Conceited Wormette likes to take her time when she slithers down the
street.
She likes to smell the lovely flowers on other people's lawns along the
sidewalk.
When she finds one she likes, she eats it.
She finds nothing wrong with that, even though it might upset a few
neighbors.
After all, she is entitled.

The Peanut Monster

The Peanut Monster is a horrific 500-foot tall prehistoric beast that has risen out of the sea and attacked the city of Tokyo, Japan.
He steps through high-voltage electrical generating plants and sparks fly!
He sashays through the island squashing army jeeps and tanks as he passes through as if they were toy cars made of plastic!
Finally, after he has reached the other side of the island and dives back into the murky depths of the ocean...
He leaves the shaken city of Tokyo neck-deep in peanut butter.

Betty Big Hands

Betty Big Hands has big warts on her arms.
Nobody wants to rub shoulders with her.
No one dares to hold hands with her, either.
She might be contagious.

Janssen

Janssen is a creepy monster that ticks like a clock.
Tick... tock... tick.. tock...
Swinging to and fro on your mantle...
Always staring at you while you sleep.

Ben the King Creator of Monsters

Ben creates monsters just by thinking them up.
He is, in fact, the King Creator of Monsters because of his powerful imagination.
His crown, although material, is merely an analogy of his towering creativity.
One day he will create the ultimate monster after which all others will pale.
Until then, let us admire his handy work.

Big Guy

Big Guy is a monster who is over ten feet ten inches tall.
Someone came up to him two weeks ago and asked him,
"Have you ever ice skated before?"
Big Guy replied, "No, but I would like to try it."
Yesterday, Big Guy won a multi-million dollar five year deal.
He was the number one draft pick of the Montreal Canadiens hockey team.

Jake Elf

Jake Elf got into the wrong crowd when he was a teenager.
It started with small, petty larceny.
Jake Elf stole a magic wand or hustled some four leaf clovers on the black market.
Then he got into the trans-border pixie dust trade.
Fortunately the Elf Police busted him cold.
Convicted to a ten year term by Judge Elf, he has been banished from the magic forest...
And now has to tread the dismal streets of Regina.

Fork Head

Fork Head is a monster that confuses drivers when he stands on the corner next to the country road.
People behind the wheel believe his head is a faded direction sign and stop.
They're usually looking for the town of Spilene, which is in fact not well indicated.
Usually at that point, when the drivers draw nearer for a closer look...
Fork Head lets go a big belch.

The Swishing Scythe

You want to steer clear when the Swishing Scythe swings his arms back and forth.
That monster can trim a few hectares of brush in just a few minutes.
He sure is handy to have around when you need him.
The rest of the year, though, he just mopes around in a barn.

Mister Mind

Mister Mind had a vague thought in his head.
A conception that slowly grew and gelled.
Something important and grand, that could benefit all mankind.
Unfortunately he never put it down on paper.

The annoying pedestrian who insists on walking on bike paths

The annoying pedestrian who insists on walking on bike paths gets on
everyone's nerves.
There he is, lumbering slowly like John Wayne.
It almost seems like he is blocking traffic on purpose.
Get out of the way, you monster!

The Money-Mad Monster

The Money-Mad Monster thirsts for ever more wealth.
He is a thief and a con man.
He dreams of stealing millions from the poor...
And billions from the middle class...
And trillions from countries through special bailout packages.

The Sinister VP

The Sinister VP has come up with another devious new way of making
money.
It's his sixth get-rich-quick scheme this month.
The company is making a fortune thanks to him.
His year-end bonus will be sky high.
As the Sinister VP likes to say, "Honesty is for suckers.
The only way to get rich nowadays is by being dishonest."

Thurber

Thurber is a monster who is vexed easily.
Once somebody told him it was a dismal, rainy day.
Thurber got all upset.
He thinks it's always all about him.

The Two-Gun Kid

While he was alive, the Two-Gun Kid hated his nickname.
He would have preferred to be called "Fast-draw Felix", or "Quickdraw Cowboy".
And besides, he always carried three guns on him, not two.
Now that this despicable desperado has been dispatched by the Sheriff of Vulture Gultch, his disembodied ghost wanders the desert at night crying...
"Where is my third gun? I lost my third gun! I don't want to be... the Two-Gun Kid!"

Janssen

Janssen is a mellow monster.
Or if you prefer, a mellonster.
Not a mellon.
A mellonster.

Gromp

Gromp is a puffed-up marshmallow monster.
For a while he thought himself the most delicious thing in the universe.
Then! A fire broke out in his building and he was toasted.
That was when he became more delicious still...

The Plexiglas Crab Monster

The Plexiglas Crab Monster is translucent and transparent.
You can see right through him.
He is diaphanous and light-pervious.
Filmy and gossamer.
Not only that, but his claws hurt like heck.

Star Gazer

Star Gazer likes to look through his telescope out in the endless cosmos.
Over there is a nebula...
And over there is a dim spot that in reality is a spiral galaxy.
In the center of that galaxy there is probably a black hole.
You don't know what a black hole is?
Well, it's kind of like the ads during a TV episode of "24".

Lovely Minerva

Lovely Minerva is a monster who exercises and takes care of her body.
She jogs five miles a day.
She eats cereals for breakfast with lots of fiber.
For lunch she only eats fruit.
It helps to be fit when you need to run and catch a human prey for supper.

Butterfly Catcher

Butterfly Catcher is a monster that runs after butterflies in the fields
of green.
He does not want to hurt them.
He just wants to transfer some of their colors to his own body, then he
lets them go unharmed.
One day Butterfly Catcher hopes to be the most beautiful thing in the world.